Like a flower that blooms.. That´s how I see her. First, just a cute little bud then all of a sudden a beautiful blooming rose… You barely see it happen, it´s like magic! One day they are 12 months old, next day they are 6 years old and then they´re like, 30! Does time even know how to count?? Because it is seriously skipping some numbers and I selfishly want them back.
So I guess now you are going to start first grade. I see you over there, softly singing to yourself, organizing your books and pink pens.
So now you have a new best friend. And when I ask you: "well, what about me?" you treat me like a child and run your fingertips through my hair, cooing: "You are too..."
Sure. I´ll just pretend to believe you. We both know your bff is Marta, and that´s not my name!
You´re my little girl and you're growing so fast! I know you hear this all the time and you´re so tired of it. But mommy wants you to know she will love you always and forever and ever and ever and ever… and did i mention forever? I know you think I sound like a stalker but I´m your mother, so give me a break.
Its just that, you no longer want to kiss me goodbye in front of your whole classroom and I´m not allowed to say “bye baby” anymore because apparently its embarrassing.
And there was this thing that we used to do where you, right before walking into your kindergarten class, would turn around and run back to me. Your teacher would call out to you but you would say: "I just have to ask her something!"
Then I would go down on a knee and you would hug me and whisper silly questions in my ear like:
"Mommy, how come the water is blue but when I hold it in my hand it changes to nothing?"
"Mommy, how come sometimes the sky turns orange? Does God like to color too??"
"If I stay for a long time in the same spot in the dirt, will I grow roots and leaves?"
We both knew those questions were excuses so you could have some extra time with me before you went in. Yet now you tell me there will be no more of that either because you are no longer going to "kiddy school".
And I always get nervous when you talk about the little boys in your class and how one slipped you a note that said: “a, y ,o hh 1” and I´m thinking its cute because you guys haven’t even learned how to write yet. Then you tell me he told you that it means I love you and suddenly its not so cute anymore.
My other mommy friends tell me it´s just puppy love. Well, we already have a puppy at home so that argument is invalid to me…
And then YOU have the "audacity" to tell me you now want to do your hair by yourself. And I hate how, at only six, you don’t really need much of my help to do so. I kind of love doing your hair and I'm not ready to give that up yet! Feels like a pact being broken.
Can you just promise me that you will always confide in me? and that you will always lay your head on my lap when you are sad?Tell me that we will always have long talks in the park no matter how old you are. And that you will let me push you on the swing even when you're 30. I´m kidding on the last one, maybe.
It´s just that, changes are awesome I know, but they are also so bittersweet!
I think you´re growing oh so fast and beautiful, you´re like practically running away with time! But you wait for me darling, you just wait. I might be out of breath but I´m coming up right behind you. If God permits, I'm going to be there! I'm going to catch up with all these wonderful changes.
And now here we are, your first day in school. You grin and say: "See you, later!"
"Later" is all I can manage to retort. I don't want to embarrass you because, after all, I am a "cool mom".
And that's that, you turn and walk in. No kiss, no running back to ask me silly questions. I guess you really meant what you said about that.
I start to walk away, trying to figure out why this is so emotional to me. Then I hear you call out:
“Mommy! Hey, mommy!”
"Yes?" I turn and I blink a tear away.
There you were, standing at your class room door, looking at me with a knowing smile.
"Hummmmmm..." you say thoughtfully " if you had a bird... What would you call it??"
My eyes well up as I walk back towards your shining grin. Down on one knee, face to face, I answer in a chocked voice:
"Time!"
You giggle and ask: "Time, mommy? Why Time????"
I hold you in a tight, in a loving embrace and whisper in your ear:” Because it too can fly…”
